Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Two years....

has it really been that long? I still find myself wanting to pick up the phone and call her. Wow... I guess the hurt really doesn't ever go away. Two years ago today, my grandmother passed away from a combination of cancer and hospital malfunctions (aka stupid doctor's and unclean hospitals). But anyway... her death has been the hardest thing I have ever delt with in my life.

She was more than just a grandmother, she was the cornerstone of our entire family. She was my source of strength and voice of reason in the worst situations. When anything went wrong in my life, she was there.

She was a woman of faith, and loved God with all her heart. She taught me the same thing. Grandmother taught me that there was never an circumstance where God could not win. That we may never understand His ways in every situation, but God is always in control.

I spent every summer and every afternoon with Grandmother, and there was always something special about it. Mom had to work, but we were never left without lot's of love and care.

If I could go back and "undo" any part of my life, it would have been my late teens and early 20's, where I didn't see her enough or spend time with her enough. I missed some great times, and that is something I can never get back.

I was fortunate in one thing, several years before she passed away, she filled out a journal that asked a question a week. It was awesome, and I learned much from it. It covered everything from childhood, her and my Pop, her belief in God, to how she felt as she was growing older. I cherish that book. I miss her.

Grandmother, I know you are with your Savior, and that gives me great joy. Your reward in heaven is great I am sure. Still, in my selfishness, I miss you. But I wouldn't ask for one moment for you to be back here.


MichelleStrachan said...

Vanessa, I am so sorry for your loss. This journalling is really beautiful!

Michele said...

Vanessa, your journaling is beautiful. Just from reading your journal I can tell she was a very special woman. Thank you for sharing her with us.